Editor’s Note: The Seal Beach Sun would like to congratulate Dr. Marissa Pei for becoming a best-selling author. The long-time Seal Beach resident’s new book, “8 Ways to Happiness,” hit the best-seller list last week in Amazon’s Christian self-help category. She is currently traveling the U.S. on a book tour but shared a bit of advice for our readers.
Dear Dr. Marissa,
I don’t know what to do anymore, I just can’t stand my co-worker. I’ve tried to be nice, I’ve stood my ground, I’ve bribed, I’ve threatened and nothing works. He is driving me crazy!
Signed, Frustrated at Stupidity
Dear Frustrated (temporarily)
The bad news is they probably will never change. The good news is that you can.
What if irritating people are in our lives so we can learn how to take care of ourselves, to give ourselves the approval we look to others for, and let unresolved battles from our past go! It’s easier to blame other people for our unhappiness, but it doesn’t feel good and keeps us stuck in anger and hostility, which is now directly linked to ill health.
What if I can stop asking “why is this happening to me??!!” and ask “what is happening for me and my growth and expansion in life?” What-if we can choose to limit our irritation in life and help ourselves in the process? What-if we can choose to see our irritants as pearl-makers? My coaching clients love the analogy that pearls, which are beautiful, are actually created when the oyster creates a lubricant to wrap around a piece of irritating sand in it’s shell…so yes I did sometimes call my daughters pearl makers when they were teenagers!
If you are ready to let go of your anger and hostility and get sick less often, here’s an exercise to help.
Balance Tool: Don’t Go to the Tractor for Milk!
Take a breath. Think about all of the people in your life who you stand on your head for, and it still isn’t enough. A friend, a boss, a coworker, a family member, a partner, a hasband, an insignificant other…anyone who is INCAPABLE of being responsive, respectful, caring, gracious no matter how kind, responsive, caring, respectful and gracious you are. People who you stay up at night writing a perfect letter to, hoping that when they read it, they will finally understand you and change. You know who I am talking about… we all have at least one tractor in our lives! The good news is we attracted them to try to resolve the unfulfilled love in our past and the bad news is we will keep attracting them until we can stop trying to get milk from a tractor and find the cow that is actually us!!
Take a minute now to stop and take the Tractor Oath:
I, _______ (your Balanced Centered Self name) promise from this moment forward to stop looking to ______________ (the name(s) of your tractors) for appreciation, recognition, approval, encouragement, understanding and validation which for whatever reason, they are not able to give me. I take responsibility for attracting them into my life to resolve unloved issues from the past or because I like feeling unfulfilled and in drama. I will use the Balance Tool from Chapter 6 to Bake my own cake so I can give myself the approval that I’ve been hoping for. I am a beautiful cow with a limitless supply of milk.**
**Excerpt from 8 Ways to Happiness from Wherever You Are, Chapter 7: Out of Perfectionism into Joy by Dr. Marissa Pei, published by Morgan James NY August 2018
Now go enjoy your pearls!
Dr. Marissa, proud Seal Beach mom since 1998, celebrity host on iHeart Radio syndicated show “Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa” will be having another book signing at the Barnes and Nobles Marina Pacifica on Saturday October 6 from 12 to 4pm with readings on the half hour. “8 Ways to Happiness from Wherever You Are” has made the Amazon Bestseller List in 5 categories including a #1 last week! You can see Dr. Marissa’s interview on NBC Seattle’s morning show last week on her social media, Dr. Marissa Facebook and Doc Balance on Instagram. To contact her, www.4Balance.org
