The Holiday Blues. It’s not a color. It’s not a new musical group. It’s not a TV series or a new game show. It’s an occurrence that yearly affects millions of people.
For most of us, holiday expectations are based upon early life experiences.
For many, the holidays represent a magical time remembered from our youth, full of family togetherness, and the giving and receiving of gifts. The child in us recalls those early times of wonderment and joy, excitement and surprise. Childhood fantasies and warm expectations live within all of us.
But, as years pass, reality and childhood dreams often collide. As we become burdened with adult responsibilities, the spontaneity of our youth slips away.
Around this time of the year, the fantasy or wish to be taken care of, to be a child again and experience the excitement and anticipation of the holidays, creeps into our consciousness and unconsciousness.
Our high expectations for ourselves at holiday time often eclipse the reality that Santa Claus resides within each of us. It is we who must make things happen; we are each responsible for the joy and spirit of the holidays – as well as any negative effects of the holiday experience.
We often hear people say how lonely they feel during the holiday season. These empty feelings that surface may be overwhelming for those who have lost a loved one or a dear friend, as the reality of the impermanence of life, and our separateness in this world, becomes intensified.
For others, the issue of buying gifts creates additional conflict and stress that can add to the Holiday Blues. And then there are those whose excessive partying, alcohol consumption, and overeating add to the feeling of depression.
If what I’ve said thus far sounds terribly pessimistic, fear not. There are positive ways of coping with the Holiday Blues. For making this season a happier time for all, the following is my gift list:
Steps for overcoming holiday blues
1. Attempt to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook. Recognize that the holidays don’t have to be a horribly negative experience. In fact, they can be a very positive one. Lower expectations and maintain a realistic baseline of experience so that wishes and reality are of equal magnitude.
2. Control the excesses during the holidays, especially alcohol consumption (if you still drink). Remember that alcohol is an anesthetic that reduces our ability to function effectively – despite the fact that we call alcohol “holiday cheer!” Keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant that can act as a major mood dampener, and can significantly contribute to depression.
3. Remember always that it is better to give than to receive. Consider giving someone less fortunate a gift that represents the extended hand of love and caring. This can fulfill the need for sharing while making someone else feel a lot less lonely and isolated at this special time of year. When we truly give to another unconditionally, that act of compassion can fill our own void, taking us out of our own psychological and emotional space in service of another.
4. Contact friends and family with whom you have not communicated for some time. Bridge the gap of time and space. This reaching out will bring others a little closer.
5. Give up the expectation that you have to spend every hard-earned dollar on elaborate gifts for others. Remember, the most important part of the holiday season is sharing gifts of the heart, not of the pocketbook.
6. Childhood traumas will often resurface during the holiday season. Try to maintain a positive perspective on life.
Try to maintain a positive perspective on life. If childhood traumas should resurface – as they often do during the holidays – picture the negative aspects of the past melting away as though they were recorded on a block of ice. Maintaining hostility, hatred, bitterness, or other negative emotions is a waste of energy and time.
If we can give ourselves some of the gifts on the preceding list, this holiday season will be more meaningful, not only for ourselves but for those around us.
Try to remember that the most important aspects of the holidays are not tallied by dollars spent and woes over how broke we are at the beginning of the new year, but rather, how enriched we are that we have truly shared ourselves with those who are dear to us, or those less fortunate. So, think positive and have a wonderful, joyous, and safe holiday season.
Dr. Gerald L. Fishkin is an author, lecturer and psychotherapist with a full time practice on Naples Island in Long Beach.
